Kids in the City's Guest Authors 2024-11-20

Are you exhausted from the Christmas preparations? Is the atmosphere at home tense rather than festive?

Anna Hady – a family & relationship coach – says why it’s important to pause, think about the needs of family members, and choose relationships as the goal of pre-Christmas preparations.

In daily life we must see 

that it is not happiness that makes us grateful

but gratefulness that makes us happy.

David Steindl-Rast OSB

Christmas will come anyway. Seriously! Christmas will come even if we don’t clean something up, prepare all the specialties, or complete the entire list of tasks we took on ourselves. Why do I start with this? We often come to this conclusion too late – when we are exhausted from the preparations, the budget has exceeded all expectations, and the atmosphere at home is tense. Well, maybe you could spare yourself these struggles and start preparations for Christmas this year, assuming that these days will come anyway, without your efforts. However, what depends on you is:

In what condition will Christmas find you?

This can help to take the burden off our shoulders, which more and more often prevents us from focusing on the essence of the holiday season and enjoying the unique atmosphere during the days and weeks before Christmas. In the family dimension, this period may strengthen relationships and often repair them. Listening to what occupies the closest persons. Getting to know the fears, dreams, and worries of children. By choosing relationships as the goal of pre-Christmas preparations, we give ourselves a chance for a beautiful gift that we will not get bored of and will not cease to enjoy.

Probably all family members hope that Christmas will be a wonderful time. Everyone probably imagines it differently – children count on having fun all day and waiting for gifts. Parents indeed dream of a moment of rest and peace.

The more we stick to our expectations and ideas about what a perfect Christmas day should look like, the greater the chance of conflicts and stress when faced with reality.

So, instead of turning up the perfect image of Christmas dinner, let’s give ourselves time for a break and silence to truly experience the taste of Christmas concerning our loved ones.

  • Sometimes, it is enough to start with: How are you?
  • Ask about a book or movie or join an ordinary play spontaneously.
  • Go for a walk together.
  • Sometimes, it is good to share something that occupies us, engages our emotions, and makes us unable to talk or play at the end of the day.
  • Every activity, from cleaning through decorating a Christmas tree to preparing gingerbreads, can become an opportunity to say something more about yourself and to get to know and understand each other better.

Stop. Look. Go.

American monk and missionary David Steindl-Rast proposes a return to the principle that we teach our children when crossing the road. Let’s learn to put signs of STOP in our lives that will motivate us to pause not only in case of danger but also in everyday circumstances. By investing our attention in life here and now, we give ourselves a chance to appreciate what we have and to feel grateful. We need to look more closely at our relationships and the role we play in them. We need to change our perspective from the expectations we place on our children to the commitment and emotional availability we offer them daily.

It can be challenging to see that not only may we be disappointed in our children’s behavior, but they also experience many shortcomings in their relationship with us. However, it is also liberating and can help reject the black-and-white perception of the situation and encourage family understanding that will take into account the needs and feelings of all its members. The very moment we understand how much depends on what kind of adults we are and what kind of parents we are allows us to move forward and create a new relationship quality.

Dynamic family life and the changing needs of its members provide a unique opportunity to grow together. The behaviour of children reflects what is happening in their environment, and parents have the chance to take responsibility for this relationship and supplement it with missing nutrition values.

Make yourself a gift

The upcoming Christmas, as well as the New Year’s resolutions time, is an excellent opportunity to take a closer look at your relationships and the needs of family members. By focusing on preparing ourselves and our loved ones for Christmas and on putting our relationships in order, we can give ourselves the best gift that will pay off for many years.

Below is a table with 100 boxes to be crossed out – 1 for each year of life behind you. With each Christmas, there are more and more fields crossed. How much can you cross out already? There is no point in waiting for another opportunity – do some Christmas clean-up in your relationships this winter! Focusing on today teaches us to be humble and appreciate what we already have. And gratitude is the first step to happiness and a sense of meaning in your life. It is a gift that not only we can benefit from but also those around us.

About the Author

Anna Hady is a relationship & personal growth coach. She supports the growth of her clients by increasing self-awareness both in private and professional relationships as well as in parenthood.

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